The Internet’s Over So Let’s Party Like it’s 1999!

Posted: July 6, 2010 in Uncategorized

I’m sorry if I seem a little down today but the Internet is apparently over and I’m just finding out about it.

TAFKATAFKAPWIAKAPA

Maybe you missed the announcement too. Which is understandable seeing how it came via– you guessed it– the Internet. More specifically the news of the Internet’s apparent demise came from the artist formerly known as the artist formerly known as Prince who is apparently known as Prince again (at least that’s what it says on the Internet). He was quoted in an article in the “The Mirror“–a newspaper in the country formerly known as England. I find it a bit ironic that someone would announce the death of the Internet in a newspaper–I mean, who reads those anymore…except on line?

In fairness to TAFKATAFKAPWIAKAPA (the artist formerly known as the artist formerly known as Prince who is apparently known as Prince again)I am going to let him explain the death of the Internet in his own words:

“The internet’s completely over. I don’t see why I should give my new music to iTunes or anyone else. They won’t pay me an advance for it and then they get angry when they can’t get it. The internet’s like MTV. At one time MTV was hip and suddenly it became outdated. Anyway, all these computers and digital gadgets are no good. They just fill your head with numbers and that can’t be good for you.”

There, I hope that clears that up. Although your head may be so full of numbers that you just can’t comprehend what TAFKATAFKAPWIAKAPA is trying to tell you.

My friend Scott Monty, who knows a thing or two about the digital gadget formerly as the Internet suspects TAFKATAFKAPWIAKAPA has been partying like it’s 1999. Being a professional journalist I resist cheap puns like that. After careful examination of his quote I believe the on-again-off-again Prince is simply Delirious from too much time in his Little Red Corvette. I suspect what the erstwhile Prince is really saying is that the Internet is over for him.

I find my supporting clue in the fact that he’s releasing his new album entitled “20Ten” (obviously Prince is trying to avoid filling your head with numbers, which can’t be good for you) on CD only.  And he’s only making it available to the hundreds of readers of the Mirror Newspaper, many of whom are young enough to actually remember when he was not formerly known as anything! Furthermore he’s removed (or at least tried) all his music from iTunes and YouTube and even shut down his own website— all of which seem kind of unnecessary given that the Internet is dead and all.

I hope this message reaches you before the Internet’s last dying gasp. If it doesn’t, I’ll try to republish it.

In the Mirror.

Stephen


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Comments
  1. ROFLMAO … ok that was too good… Maybe Prince has just forgotten who he is or formerly was and is again… I think too many name changes have clouded his thinking, or did he really ever think at all…. hhmmmm… good thought.. WAIT NO too Much Thinking… oohhh geez, who knows, LOL

  2. HubertGAM says:

    Mr. Clark, you are mad, but that’s a good thing.

    Prince may be smarter than people want to believe he’s not. The man stays out of the public eye until it’s time to push a project and BOOM™! Ripples happen. I think you got to the root of it. Honestly, I hope he finds a way to pull away from the Internet to control how his media is distributed. Using *gasp* traditional means of tangible items and brick-and-mortar establishments may be the answer again, if he can find a decent way to get in contact with his fans. All we can do now is sit back and see.

    Really funny post, by the way. Seriously, where are you getting the energy?!

    • sclarkwxyz says:

      I think he’s like a kid who doesn’t like the game so he’s taking his ball and going home. The problem is– there are a lot of balls in the game and his might not be missed. On the other hand– maybe iTunes will blink first and pay Prince upfront. That will only happen if Prince– as you suggest–can motivate enough of his fan base to catch Apple’s attention. He may have trouble doing that since the Internet is done..and the price of postage is going up again.
      And I don’t think its an excess of energy– I just don’t sleep much, which gives me a few extra hours per day.

  3. Amy Wood says:

    LOL love your blogpost, my friend. Too funny!

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