I Lead a Boring Life. Foursquare told me.

Posted: July 12, 2010 in Uncategorized

I lead a very boring life. I found this out through Foursquare.

In case you’ve been living in a cave for the last week and missed the latest next big thing, Foursquare is a “geolocation” app for your smartphone that lets every living person on earth know exactly where you are at every breathing moment…even if you’ve been living in a cave. Now the obvious question is “why would you want every living person on earth to know exactly where you are at every breathing moment”? Well, the idea behind Foursquare is that all your incredibly cool friends will know precisely which trendy place you’re visiting and drop in to buy you hip cocktails served by waitresses with dazzlingly white teeth.

The trouble is–I believe I mentioned–I lead a boring life. I checked my stats the other day and discovered I’ve never even been to a trendy place. In fact, the only place I ever check in is work, my dentist’s office and Costco. Excuse me for a moment, I think I need to doze off.

The "Local" Badge

Foursquare, besides being an incredibly valuable tool that lets burglars know exactly when you’re not home, also serves as a bit of a game. Participants can collect “badges” with exciting names like “adventurer” and “superstar” for visiting interesting and exotic places. So far my only badge is the “local” badge–apparently because I never go anywhere. You can also become “mayor” of a location for checking in there the most. I was briefly the mayor of WXYZ TV but was ousted in a coup orchestrated, I believe, by the Hungry Howie’s delivery boy.

This could get a guy down…but they don’t give “badges” for that. So I decided to turn lemons into a drink made out of lemons. I’ve developed a new “app” that I call Forgesquare. Instead of checking in at places you are…you check in at places you want to be. Exotic, hip places like Paris, Rome or Bad Axe. You’re standing in line at the Novi Costco with the industrial-sized pack of Depends and a case of dental floss, you whip out the Blackberry and check in on Forgesquare and voila!!! you’re in Istanbul drinking hip cocktails with Morgan Fairchild. At least that’s what all your friends will think when they see your check-in. And the chances of them running into you at the Novi Costco are extremely slim since they’ll all be checking in from some trendy place in Royal Oak.

I’m still working on the companion “app” that lets you post photoshopped pictures on Twitter of you standing in front of the Eiffel Tower or the Louvre.

I know this will probably create some chaos when everybody on earth is someplace else. And I’m sure businesses who want to use geolocation for marketing their products and services are going to have some issues. For instance the Bellagio Casino will keep sending me half price coupons for a prime rib dinner because they’ll be under the impression I’m at one of their blackjack tables raking in thousands of dollars when I’m really on my couch watching Man vs. Food.

Despite a few “bugs” I believe I have a pretty good idea here. If you have some thoughts on how to improve it just look me up.

You know where to find me.



  1. Matt Dibble says:

    Yeah, I work out of my house so there are some days when I’m here 2 days straight… I love logging on and seeing my last check in was someplace I don’t even remember going to.

    Maybe I’ll start checking in at “the office” every morning… I’d like to be mayor somewhere.

  2. Hilarious.

    I work from home. My Foursquare is even more boring than yours.

    I am mayor of my home office. My 2 yr old managed to become major of the living room somehow.

  3. I have never heard of this app. I guess I leading a boring life, even though I do alot of traveling here & there and across country, etc…. but my Blackberry forgot to inform me about this app. … hhmmm I wonder why it wants to leave me in the dark, LOL LOL…

    I do like your idea though of the app for being where you want to be… Oh Yeah, I chose Hawaii & Aruba (never been to either but are my wishful thinking trips, lol)…

  4. DaveMurr says:

    I think you are on to something here. Let me know when you need beta testers.

  5. “I checked my stats the other day and discovered I’ve never even been to a trendy place. In fact, the only place I ever check in is work, my dentist’s office and Costco. Excuse me for a moment, I think I need to doze off.”


    I’m currently at war with a guy in my office building that just discovered Foursquare. I stopped checking in to our building cafeteria and he took my mayor title. I want revenge.

  6. I’m in the same boat; my foursquare checkins consist of the same four crappy places.

    I got a thrill this January though; I was in Vegas for CES and I got all kinds of exciting badges that made me look, at least for a few days, like a jet-setting rock star.

    Alas, the numbers don’t lie: 18 check-ins at my own damned house 😦

  7. MontiLee says:

    All of my check-ins are local as well, and I’m the mayor of a wonderful cosmetics store because I used to work there and now I need an intervention.

    Last weekend when I checked in where every hip geek and wicked awesome nerd was gathered in Minnesota, Foursquare thought my account had been hacked and refused to let me check-in. I actually had to hack in from someone else’s phone to check in.

    Foursquare, as I’m also discovering, is perfect for the stalkers in your life. Never again will they camp out under your bedroom window for days when you’ve actually gone to your mother’s to watch her cat while she’s on a Caribbean cruise.

    I would like an app for serial killers.

    “You are now the Mayor of A-US Ice”
    “You’ve just unlocked the Spree Badge”
    “You’ve buried bodies in 10 different locations”

    I write horror, this is where my mind goes…

  8. melissa says:

    i’m the mayor of the place where i get my mani/pedis AND old navy. both of which are less than a mile from my home.
    in other exciting news, i found out that in petosky,mackinac island and boyne…it’s very easy to become the mayor of various establishments there. foursquare doesn’t seem to have caught on there.
    but there was no explorer badge either.
    darn it.

  9. Joni Golden says:

    I know it’s a little uncool, but I still have concerns about a web site that tracks my movements to any degree.

    Most importantly, however, I do not want to be the mayor of ANYTHING.

  10. Michael says:

    Morgan Fairchild?

    no wonder you’re my hero (cats on pontoon boats withstanding)

  11. Amy says:

    Welllll, as it turns out I checked us both in at the very swanky Nirvona Lounge in Paris France on Friday night! Of course now when I go to check in at work the Nirvona Lounge comes up in my list lol! Whoops, I hope I didn’t uncover some sort of super secret bug in FourSquare! If so, it’s all your fault!! 😉

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